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Nov. 9th, 2006 01:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mighty_aphroditeI went to the doctor this morning. I have zoloft and and advair diskus (for the low low price of $35! Yay for insurance!) and a recommendation to try an OTC hormone supplement for a week to see if that helps get my body back on track. I got a lot accomplished in a 20 minute appointment.
It will take awhile for things to take effect, I know, but just the fact that I've done something productive to help myself makes a big difference. I still feel like shit, but not so hopelessly so.
Everything feels so... flat and grey and static. Sometimes things feel like they're going in slow motion for a few seconds. I just space out. And while that's no more useful to my concentration than the brain running in anxious circles, at least it's more pleasant. I space and five minutes go by where I didn't think anything depressing or worried or horrible. Five minutes of my day that I didn't have to live and worry through. It's kind of nice. In a mindless zombie kind of way. I almost don't want to try to concentrate on anything. It's like a part of me just wants to stare at the computer screen or writing on a page in hopes that my brain will go into hibernation for a few minutes and I won't have to think or feel anything.
Why can't I be the creative depressed person who writes celebrated depressing poetry instead of the zombie depressee that I am? Oh yeah, now I remember. Those types end up sticking their heads in ovens. Nevermind. Off to zombieland.
It will take awhile for things to take effect, I know, but just the fact that I've done something productive to help myself makes a big difference. I still feel like shit, but not so hopelessly so.
Everything feels so... flat and grey and static. Sometimes things feel like they're going in slow motion for a few seconds. I just space out. And while that's no more useful to my concentration than the brain running in anxious circles, at least it's more pleasant. I space and five minutes go by where I didn't think anything depressing or worried or horrible. Five minutes of my day that I didn't have to live and worry through. It's kind of nice. In a mindless zombie kind of way. I almost don't want to try to concentrate on anything. It's like a part of me just wants to stare at the computer screen or writing on a page in hopes that my brain will go into hibernation for a few minutes and I won't have to think or feel anything.
Why can't I be the creative depressed person who writes celebrated depressing poetry instead of the zombie depressee that I am? Oh yeah, now I remember. Those types end up sticking their heads in ovens. Nevermind. Off to zombieland.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-11 01:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-11 03:57 am (UTC)