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Nov. 17th, 2007 09:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mighty_aphroditeOkay, so I don't seem self-absorbed, I'll first update you on Mom. She's had IV antibiotics, oxygen, and a lung tap, and she's headed off to Reno in the morning with David and Nellie to help her. We're all praying she makes it there alive. Please keep my family in your prayers.
Okay, onto the me part.
I am freaking out. It's finally sunk in that I am going to be ALL ALONE for two months AT LEAST. BY MYSELF. (This may not seem lke a huge deal in the face of the possible death of my mom-in-law, but y'all ought to know by now that I have issues). I won't even be able to go home for Thanksgiving (not that I'm so eager to see my parents, but I wanted to play with Rachel's baby... baby cuddles are therapy). Okay, as if my class work wasn't suffering enough. Now I absolutely can't concentrate on anything. I can't even listen to a whole song on my iPod. All I want to do is space out in front of a non-thought-provoking-movie, stare at my laptop screen, or sleep. I have little appetite, and when I am hungry, I'm not motivated enough to get up and cook. I'm having stress headaches, I'm getting all weepy (once to the point of working myself into a small asthma attack), and I either can't sleep or sleep too much. And ALONE. Did I mention ALONE? And the only friend I have up here is leaving the program after this semester.
I feel myself sinking back down to the bad place again... I don't want to go there. I spent all last year clawing my way out. Every time it takes longer. For once, I'd really like it if my life could just... QUIT FUCKING SUCKING, okay? Everytime I think it's finally getting better, something always happens that hits me like a slap in the face. Someone is always dying, or injured, or unemployed, and I'm always stressed out and in the middle of it all and helpless to do anything but watch my life and my gras school career sink down into a gigantic pile of shit.
Okay, onto the me part.
I am freaking out. It's finally sunk in that I am going to be ALL ALONE for two months AT LEAST. BY MYSELF. (This may not seem lke a huge deal in the face of the possible death of my mom-in-law, but y'all ought to know by now that I have issues). I won't even be able to go home for Thanksgiving (not that I'm so eager to see my parents, but I wanted to play with Rachel's baby... baby cuddles are therapy). Okay, as if my class work wasn't suffering enough. Now I absolutely can't concentrate on anything. I can't even listen to a whole song on my iPod. All I want to do is space out in front of a non-thought-provoking-movie, stare at my laptop screen, or sleep. I have little appetite, and when I am hungry, I'm not motivated enough to get up and cook. I'm having stress headaches, I'm getting all weepy (once to the point of working myself into a small asthma attack), and I either can't sleep or sleep too much. And ALONE. Did I mention ALONE? And the only friend I have up here is leaving the program after this semester.
I feel myself sinking back down to the bad place again... I don't want to go there. I spent all last year clawing my way out. Every time it takes longer. For once, I'd really like it if my life could just... QUIT FUCKING SUCKING, okay? Everytime I think it's finally getting better, something always happens that hits me like a slap in the face. Someone is always dying, or injured, or unemployed, and I'm always stressed out and in the middle of it all and helpless to do anything but watch my life and my gras school career sink down into a gigantic pile of shit.