I am done. Just... done.

[mighty_aphrodite]

Me?  My family?  We are done.  I've had enough.

I called my dad today to give him the news about my mother in law, and that I may be leaving grad school to come back to Iowa.  HIs response: "No you're not."  Excuse me??  I go on to explain that the hubby and I have dependents to take care of now and that these things take priority over my virtually useless degree.  "You're killing me."  WTF.  Clearly, my father has done too many drugs.  I politely end the conversation. 

About half an hour ago, my sister calls me.  The conversation goes like this:

Sister: Hey, Dad called me.  He said Mary died today.
Me: Yeah, this morning.
Sister:  And now you're going to leave grad school and come back to Burlington?
Me:  Well, it's a definite possibility...
Sister:  Because that would be really dumb.  What the hell are you going to do in Burlington?  It's not like--
Me:  Hey, Becky?  My mother in law just DIED and I have other people to think about.  It really is not your place to tell me what to do about it.
Sister:  Well, you shouldn't have called Dad and told him that!  He's having a PANIC ATTACK--
Me: So let me get this straight-- My mother in law dies, and it's all about you?  I am ending this conversation *presses end button*

WHAT THE HELL was that?  I am so tired of this.  Tired of my family being selfish and expecting me to do the same.  Every time it's come down to a choice of what they think I should do and what's best for my marriage, I've chosen my marriage and they've criticised me for it.  They have NEVER been supportive of my field of study, NEVER been supportive of my husband or my marriage.   I'm tired of it.   How can they NOT understand that I am trying to do what's best for my own family?  How does this even effect them that they should care?  It certainly isn't that they care about me and don't want me to give up on my career.  No, that would make sense.    They've ruined their own lives and want to live through me. They need me to succeed so that they can feel like they did a good job as parents.  If I'm a big success, then that excuses everything they've done, because, hey, I still turned out alright, right?   They want absolution, and  I'm not going to give that to them.  Whatever success I have had in my life has NOTHING to do with them except the fact that I've dont it by working my ass off to try to get myself out of the white trash life I was born into and raised in.

I'm done.  I'm not talking to my parents or sister anymore or ever again.  I deserve better than this.  Mary was a better parent to me in the five or so years I knew her than my own ever were.  She took care of her body, she ate right, she never did drugs.  She was one of the kindest, mos cheerful people I have ever known.   She always put others before herself.  And now she's gone.  And my pathetic excuses for parents are still alive and kicking.  People wonder why I've had such a problem with faith my whole life, why I don't really believe in anything.  Now you know.